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open letter
Dear Man Jogging Down I-10 Around 7PM Tonight During Heavy Traffic, I saw you for the first time a couple of hours ago on my way home from work. I was driving my car on the freeway when something caught my eye. It was something that moved unlike a car. A bit of whimsy in […]
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open letter
Dear HL&P/Reliant/CenterPoint Energy, As an account holder of yours since 1992 or thereabouts, I have generally been pleased with your provision of electricity to my dwelling. Sure, there was that week in September 2008 when we had no power, but that was Hurricane Ike’s fault, not yours. It was unseasonably cool that week, so the […]
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open letter
Dear Gray Hair, As you’re new to the neighborhood of my scalp, I thought it might be best to explain some of the ground rules of living atop my head. Before I begin, please note that this in no way relates to your color. In fact, my first five or six years were spent as […]
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open letter
Dear Facebook Drama Queen, We don’t actually know each other, at least not in three-dimensional life, so this request may seem a little forward of me. But I feel compelled to ask you to please stop with all of the melodramatic facebook status updates. When I first became your “friend” on facebook, I didn’t really […]
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an open letter
Dear Guy Wearing Bluetooth Headset Who Was Travelling Eastbound on Kirby then Turned North on Shepherd Last Night at 5:37PM, You may have been too distracted by what I’m sure was a fascinating conversation with one of your super cool friends to notice the traffic situation on Allen Parkway/Shepherd last night, so I thought I […]
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this is not an open letter
this is not an open letter This is not an open letter to the reject who rummaged around in my car last night, leaving my glove box and all the little cubbies open and laying my parking card on my seat just to let me know he was there. Usually I write an open letter […]
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an open letter
To the Asshole(s) Who Broke into my car in the parking garage at work (a variation on the letter written to the asshole(s) who broke into my car a few months ago AND the asshole(s) who broke into my garage, also a few months ago), Hi. Crystal here, which you probably already know since you […]
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an open letter
To the Asshole(s) Who Broke into the Garage Last Night (a variation on the letter written to the asshole(s) who broke into my car a few months ago) – Hi. My name is Crystal. I wanted to introduce myself to you since I will be spending all of today and probably the rest of the […]
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an open letter
Dear Very Hairy Man on Elliptical Machine Next to Mine, First, I’d like to congratulate you on your return to the gym after “rehabbing” your knee for ten months. I hope you’re able to return to running the marathon, as you said you did this February. Assuming, of course, that by “running” you are referring […]
