it’s the heat, not the bitchidity

You guys. I had an epiphany this week. I figured out why I’ve been bitchy most of my life.

“It’s because you’re a bitch,” you’re all thinking. I understand that line of reasoning. It’s what I always thought too. But that’s not it.

It’s the heat.

Anyone who’s had the unfortunate experience of being around me during the summer in Houston knows I hate the heat. Because I complain about it ad nauseam. A popular refrain is, “IT’S SO FUCKING HOTTTTTTTT.” Another favorite is, “I didn’t know that part of the body could sweat.” Yes, James is a lucky guy.

Even when it’s not summer, my temperature gauge runs hotter than most everyone else. My hands are always warm (warm hands/cold heart). The last office I worked in, people would literally be wearing parkas while I was sitting at my desk in a shirt with no sleeves. I don’t think it’s a health issue, it’s just how I’ve always been.

Until we moved.

I thought my buoyant attitude and happy times feelings the past month+ came from realizing a long-held dream, having a great view of the Pacific from my living room and making a big change to my workday routine (no pants). And those things are great. They’re wonderful. Fuck yeah. But there’s a fourth factor that should move up that list–the weather.

I promised all my Texas friends not to talk about the weather as they slip into 90-degree days with 80-degree nights, while we’re in the low-50s overnight/mid-60s during the day that’s the year-round norm here on Amity Island. But I think I can talk about it when it’s unusually hot. Which it was the past two days.

Wednesday, we broke heat records here. It was 90 degrees (!). When you live in an adobe house with no AC, it gets pretty hot. It was about the same temp inside as out, only there was no breeze. And the house held on to the heat longer than the outside did.

I found myself sitting at the desk where I normally talk to hummingbirds and watch the flowers grow instead saying a popular refrain (soooooo hot). I felt my temper growing short. I felt kind of depressed. Then I realized…oh yeah, this is what my soul felt like in Houston. It’s the fucking HEAT.

The temperature has equalized, and we’re heading into a weekend with low-60s as the high, so I’m back to the new normal. I just thought I’d let all you bitches know–it might not be you. It might just be the heat.

Postscript: This woman sums up how I feel in the middle of summer in Houston. It’s NSFW, so put in headphones.