old biddies at the bead shop (not counting me)

I suffered numerous tiny, bottle cap-related cuts on my fingers while making this wreath - it was worth it

This will come as a bit of a surprise to some of you who’ve known me for a long time, but I’ve become all crafty and shit the past couple of years. I’m not doing needlepoint or painting plywood cut-outs for the front yard or making anything you’d find in a house on Hee-Haw, but I am in a phase of making things with my hands. It’s relaxing, takes my mind off my troubles and provides me with gifts to give my friends and family for birthdays and Christmas. So, yes, of late I’ve been to Michael’s Arts & Crafts and the bead store. Non-ironically.

(The wreath you see above is covered with bottle caps that my brother Mason collected. I’ve made wreaths and ornaments with the caps this season, which is a nice–and appropriate–blending of holidays and booze for the people in my life.) (This may ruin the surprise for a couple of people. Sorry.)

In preparation for Christmas present making, I visited a bead shop in the Heights a couple days ago. It’s a tiny, one room place, so I was unable to block out the inane conversation being had between two boring old ladies who were also there shopping. I was relieved when they paid for their purchases and prepared to leave. The store owner said, “Merry Christmas,” and the old ladies put on the brakes. In a very put out voice, the fatter of the two (no small feat) said, “I’m so glad to hear you say Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays.” This turned into what was obviously a well-worn monologue about the evils of a godless America.

She regurgitated her urban legend talking points about soldiers not being allowed to have bibles and children not being able to pray in school and removing Christmas because we don’t want to offend people. “If they don’t like it, they can leave.” Ah yes, the overused retort in many a trollish comment on even the most innocuous news story on the internet.

How is it possible to be so willfully ignorant that you don’t understand that not everyone celebrates Christmas? That YOU can celebrate Christmas and pray all you want, but that doesn’t mean everyone you come in contact with has to make a big display of celebrating those things with you? If you’re feeling disconnected from the collection of fables you’ve chosen to believe in, that’s not the fault of people who are saying “Happy holidays.” That’s your own self doubt. Live with it. And shut the fuck up when I’m trying to shop for pretty beads to make my chick friends some fucking jewelry. Fuck.

[Regarding a different Christian holiday: I’ve mentioned before how much I loathe mascots and rejoice when something terrible happens to them. So I was equal parts horrified and delighted when my friend Emily shared a link to this site, which features page after page of Easter bunny mascots and children. It’s worth a look-see. I promise you’ll laugh.]

8 Replies to “old biddies at the bead shop (not counting me)”

  1. Some of those costumes look like they were made specifically to terrify children.

  2. Was it the bead shop on White Oak? ‘Cause I’ve been in there a total of one time and it wasn’t a pleasant experience.

    As for the “Happy Holidays” ranters, it’s not at all about them wishing to make sure that people remember Jesus and his teachings, it’s all about them asserting their religion’s dominance and they’re just getting more and more desperate as they feel it slipping away bit-by-bit.

    1. That’s the place. I quit going to the one on 19th because that guy is such a sourpuss, but I may have to go back. Because the owner of the place on White Oak joined in with the old biddies. It was half hearted on her part, but she did participate. I was disappointed. The guy on 19th has nicer beads anyway…

  3. They can keep the Christ in Christmas, but how ’bout they try a little harder to keep the Christ in the rest of their actions and behaviors? Which I think is the point you were making, but with fewer fucks.

  4. Perhaps I am insensitive, and I’m certainly not concerned with political correctness, but at this time of year I tell people Merry Christmas (unless I know they are of a different religion). I have never once had anyone call me out for saying something inappropriate.

    This year, I find myself working in Israel during the Holidays. Just yesterday, an Israeli colleague was leaving the project so I wished him a Happy Hanakkah (sp?)… he thanked me and wished me a Merry Christmas.

    Neither one of us were offended, nor were we trying to push our beliefs down one another’s throats. Sometimes you can simply choose to be human.

    I am much less tolerant of the self-proclaimed “christians” that hate everybody that doesn’t look and think like they do.

    1. I don’t expect every person I run across on my birthday to say “happy birthday.” It’s my day to celebrate, and whether or not people verbally acknowledge it, it’s still my birthday. I wish uptight people like that old lady had as much confidence in their own celebrations.

  5. Good post and completely grossed out by those ignorant biddies. Idiots! Upside, love the bunny website that you lead me to.

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