Chic-fil-Asshole

learn how to spell, stupid cows

I’ve mentioned before that I hate Chick-fil-A’s stupid cow marketing campaign:

I saw a Chick-fil-A billboard yesterday that featured a couple of cows writing about eating more “chikin.” You know, because if you’re eating chicken, you’re not eating cow. All of the company’s cow-related marketing features kitschy bad spelling, which makes no sense. If a cow has somehow learned how to communicate in English and hold a pen or paint brush in its hoof to write out its thoughts, it is obviously off-the-charts brilliant in the bovine world and would probably be a pretty good speller.

That post was written three months before I got this job. It  probably won’t surprise you to know that the billboard pictured above is directly outside my current office. I took that photo from the window by my desk. I see the billboard on my way to work each morning, and I see it every time I look out the window. Yeah.

In light of the company’s anti-gay agenda being “outed,” every time I look at those cows I see possibility for an enterprising person (who isn’t afraid of heights or freeway fumes) to make a statement. You know how the homophobes among us (and those running C-f-A, evidently) reduce being gay to being about butt sex? Even though there are plenty of gay men who choose to do other things, and gay women obvs don’t really get into that at all? And sexual orientation is about to whom you are attracted rather than one specific sex act? You know?

Well, if you check out the way those two cows are standing–one on all fours and the other on two legs–it would be pretty easy to move the cow that’s on top and place it behind the cow on all fours. The company probably wouldn’t hear about it for a little while, and they really couldn’t get mad anyway. I mean, aren’t they saying that Santa shouldn’t give gay people (beef eaterz, if you will) presents? It’s just helping them be more honest about their message.

6 thoughts on “Chic-fil-Asshole

  1. Conn

    Reading the billboard, I would have to say that the jag-offs at Chik-fil-a are against man-on-man oral actions as WELL as butt sex.

  2. Nancy

    The easy manipulation of the cows into doggie style homo action and the obvious double entrendre leads me to only one conclusion- there are some seriously closeted folks leading the company.

  3. Conn

    I seriously doubt that those billboard cows would be very easy to lewdly position, I’m pretty sure that they are heavily bolted down. But then again, I may be overly optimistic as to the safety precautions they’ve taken to make sure that the cows don’t come tumbling down and seriously injure someone. Which of course makes me instantly thinking of….”Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!” “You silly English ki-nig-ht!”

  4. sheldon

    damn, i kind of wish i was going to be in houston soon. i have the tools and the know-how to make that kind of thing happen.

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