butt stink

Someone borrowed my iPhone the other day and was taking a tour of the thing before making a call. My blood ran cold as I did a mental scan of what might be on my phone. You don’t realize how much personal information is on one of those things until someone else is flicking their finger at it. I don’t have my passwords stored on it, nor do I have sexy pictures in my albums. But I do have plenty of text conversations I probably wouldn’t want to share, and I couldn’t remember the last five things I searched for on the internet (things that automatically pop up when you open Safari). So I was a bit skeered. My friend made her call and handed the contraption back and all was well, but it was a good lesson to learn. Phones are easy to lose.

I was telling my coworkers about this awkward situation, and they were wondering what I’d been googling that I might be embarrassed about. “I don’t know,” I said, “I search for random shit all the time. Like, I might have searched for ‘butt stink,’ and the person using my phone would see that and think that I have butt stink when in fact I was just googling it for no particular reason.”

“You have butt stink?” they asked.

“NO! I’m saying that I search for things, especially when drinking, that could be misconstrued when taken out of context.”

Of course, since I was sitting at my desk while we had this discussion I immediately googled “butt stink” just to see what might come up. It’s a cornucopia of funny things. I suggest you google it if you want to see. Just don’t do it on your phone.