the requisite end of the world post, part one

I thought the end of the world wasn’t coming until the third week of December 2012, so I’ve been caught a bit flat-footed. Rather than the nebulous, new age end referred to by the Mayans and slated for next year, tomorrow’s scheduled end is of the Jeebus variety. And since the Biblical end of the world involves hell on earth, it’s natural to be worried about one thing. The walking dead who crave nothing but live, heathen flesh. When you have a juicy body like mine, you gots to keep an eye on things. So I’ve done a bit of research.

you can, in fact, buy the tee shirt

Zombie-proof house  Huh. While I applaud the audacity to build a house that goes from total exhibitionist to total paranoiac, I have to wonder at the sanity of the owners. I mean, the place has a fucking DRAWBRIDGE.

Advice from the CDC (since when did they get a sense of humor?) You know that zombies have officially jumped the shark when the CDC dedicates a page on their site to the Zombie Apocalypse.

Bug Out Bag  Since you won’t necessarily know when the end of the world might arrive (you can’t always count on megalomaniacal men of religion to give you the heads up), some suggest it’s good to have a bug out bag in the trunk of your car. I rarely remember to take my reusable grocery bags with me to the store, so I haven’t mastered this one yet. I’ll have to hope the smashed pack of old gum, pencil, tire pressure gauge and Weezer CD in my glove box can see me through whatever’s ahead.

Shaun of the Dead  My favorite zombie movie. Humor, love, sarcasm, droll Brits. What more do you need?

Perhaps you need this.  A bit of a slap upside the head of end-of-the-world theorizing.

And here’s a collection of some other end dates that didn’t exactly fulfill their promises.

As for me, tonight I’m going to finish reading Outrageous Fortune, turn off the light, go to sleep, and get up and do it all again tomorrow. If for some reason you’re not here, can I have your car? And could you maybe put in a word?

One thought on “the requisite end of the world post, part one

  1. Can you imagine if the Rapture actually does happen tomorrow and you end up not being left behind, but actually get pulled up, just how PISSED you would be? I would be screaming “What the FUCK did I do wrong???!!!??? I specifically lived my life so that I wouldn’t end up spending eternity with these assholes!”

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