Though I have a couple of Halloween parties to attend this weekend, I will continue my streak of not dressing in costume. I will also continue the tradition of coming up with costume ideas that I will not use. Here’s one:
Christine O’Donnell costume:
- witch hat
- black clothes
- “I am you” spelled out on shirt with colored tape
- gloves or mittens covered with sandpaper
- trick-or-treat basket full of confiscated D batteries
- power red lipstick
- tea bag earrings
If you’re a white woman with brown hair, go forth in this costume and be the scariest person at the party. (side note: in the midst of writing this I clicked on facebook and saw that one of my friends had his own O’Donnell costume idea – guess this is more of an obvious choice than I realized – he didn’t reference the anti-masturbation stuff, so at least we went different directions)
We moved into our house last year right before Halloween. Instead of seeing what the candy distribution deal was in our new hood, we went back to our old hood and gave out candy with our (former) across the street neighbors. We arrived home hours after the tricking and treating would have happened, so there was no clue about the evening’s activities. I’m worried there aren’t any kids asking for candy on our street because there are no sidewalks. The houses are on huge lots and set pretty far back from the road. And it’s dark as a mofo for a place that is just a couple miles outside the loop. My fear is that the trick or treaters may skip our neighborhood entirely for more well-lit places with sidewalks. I probably would.
If that’s the case, it’s a drag because we have all of this spooky shit we like to scare the (older) kids with. A skull that, when you step on the hidden remote control, lights up and suddenly starts making creepy noises and laughing, moving its jaw and rolling its eyes around. We have a bat with green light up eyes that attaches to the ceiling and flies around in a circle biting the air, but that’s more about torturing the dogs than the kids. I don’t want to buy a bunch of Halloween candy and then have no one to give it to, forcing me to have to eat it. You know, because I don’t want to waste it. At the same time, I don’t want us to be the only assholes on the block who don’t have any candy to give out if the kids come a knockin’.
Most of our neighbors are crotchety old people, so they probably wouldn’t give out anything good. Maybe boxes of raisins. Or pennies. We could be the cool people with bite-size, name brand chocolate candy and goofy decorations. (side note: while on the subject of our neighbors – we are the only house, I think in our entire neighborhood, with a Bill White sign in the yard – we aren’t in the Heights anymore)
We’ve been burning small fires in the chiminea in hopes of seasoning the thing so it doesn’t crack on us. These fires will be much more enjoyable when it isn’t 85 degrees outside in the evening and the mosquitoes aren’t biting. You know, when fall arrives… I blame this focus on fire on the vibes of the house. We have a huge fireplace in the living room and a wood burning stove in the den. The people who built this place back in the ’50s must have moved here from Michigan because it sho doesn’t get cold enough to have too many fires, and it certainly never gets cold enough to have two fires going in the house concurrently. Maybe if we ran the AC at the same time.