assumptions, beer

written yesterday at the coffee shop :
Taking artistic license here, but I’m pretty sure I can nail the situation going down at the table next to me. There’s an attractive young lady – looks to be 25 at the most – and a not so attractive “old” guy – who’s probably just slightly older than I am but in comparison to the woman looks old enough to be her dad. And, technically, someone slightly older than I am is old enough to be her dad. When I first sat down, he was laying an unimpressive line of bullshit on her, and she seemed taken with it. She keeps touching his arm. I’m guessing he’s a professor. Most likely her professor. You grow out of that eventually, buying the bullshit of a guy like this – something he already knows and she’ll find out.

I must be relaxed right now. A huge leaf just landed on me, and I didn’t freak out. My heart rate didn’t change. I didn’t immediately assume it was a rat falling on me or an extra-large tree roach. Didn’t jump up out of my chair with a yelp. I just casually grabbed the leaf and tossed it aside. This is highly unusual behavior. Especially after so much caffeine. Must be the fresh air and blue sky.

written today at my desk:
On my way to work this morning I saw a sticker on the back of a Budweiser truck that suggested I visit Now that can really go a couple of different ways. I can read it as BEEResponsible, which tells me that if I visit this website I’ll find tips on how to drink beer responsibly. I can also read it as BE-eresponsible, which, though spelled incorrectly, makes me think I’ll find a website that gives tips on stupid things I can do while drinking beer. Like I really need any ideas in that category.

Okay, so I just visited the website. Looks like they’re going more for the former interpretation of beeresponsible. The site has images of healthy young college kids hanging out and a mom/dad/boy/girl combo smiling and looking at the camera. I don’t know what these people are happy about since not a single one of them is holding a beer. They should show the “after” pictures of these same groups. The college kids are puking and making bad decisions about whom to sleep with. The mom and dad are fighting over the light bill and how they never go out to dinner anymore while the boy and girl are sneaking sips of warm Budweiser. Ahhh, America. Love it or leave it, commie.

One thought on “assumptions, beer

  1. Your impression of the bumper sticker reminds me of the Plenty Of Fish dating website, when I look at their name in the address bar, “plentyoffish”, I always see “Plenty Offish”. Which is fairly accurate, there are definitely an abundance of “offish” people on the site.

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