changing lanes

On my drive to work this morning, a man driving a big black Range Rover was riding my ass, inches from my back bumper. Perhaps he wanted to get a closer look at my fight stupidization sticker. After tailgating for a while, he made a few herky jerky moves to stumble through thick traffic, only to end up two car lengths ahead of where he was in the pack. I wanted to yell obscenities his direction – tailgating is such a dangerous, not to mention assholish, thing to do – but I’m trying to curb that bad behavior. My irritation doesn’t make the other guy drive any better and only serves to raise my blood pressure. Lucky for me, my iPod saved the day. Just as this guy made another stellar traffic move and ended up right in front of me, the chorus to the Beatles’ Girl started. Instead of yelling at the guy in hopes that he was looking in his rear view and could read lips, I sang “jackass” instead of “girl” at the appropriate time. (just take a moment to do that – it fits perfectly – “ohhhhhhhh jaaaackaaassssss…(inhale) jaaaackaaassssss”) It was surprisingly cathartic, didn’t raise my blood pressure and lessened the chance that the guy in the Range Rover might pull out a gun and shoot me.

There’s an article on chron.com today about the ridiculously hot summer we’ve had. As per usual with any post related to weather, there are the “global warming is real” crowd and the “global warming is bullshit” crowd tossing poop at each other in the comments section. What’s funny is that both sides have switched arguments from back in January when they were commenting on the unseasonably cool winter.

COMMENTS DURING SUPER COLD WINTER

AlGoreSucks: So where’s that global warming, huh? It snowed in Houston yesterday! Lemmings. You’ll believe anything some politician tells you.

Prius4Eva: There’s a difference between weather and climate. Temperatures for one season have little to do with the bigger picture.

COMMENTS DURING SUPER HOT SUMMER

Prius4Eva: Now do you believe in global warming? I fried an egg on the sidewalk yesterday. You science haters need to get with the program.

AlGoreSucks: There’s a difference between weather and climate. Temperatures for one season have little to do with the bigger picture.

It would be funny if it wasn’t so painful.

7 thoughts on “changing lanes

  1. I think my current favorite epithet to hurl at idioten drivers is “Jackwagon.” It’s from one of the Geico ads out as part of the “Can Geico really save you 15% or more on your car insurance? Is X a really good/bad idea/practitioner of Y?” in which R. Lee Ermey (drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket) chews out his patient and hurls the aforementioned insult (followed closely by a box of tissues – pretty freakin’ hilarious, especially considering the poor sap just finished telling Ermey about how the color Yellow makes him sad). Clean, yet satisfyingly forceful, and amazingly accurate, especially in these trying (and boiling) times.

  2. Conn

    But July was one of the wettest & coolest we’ve had in a long time. There were days where it didn’t break 80. I guess everyone so busy bitching about the rain, so they didn’t notice they weren’t bitching about the heat.

  3. Conn

    Oh, and by “didn’t break 80”, I mean that it didn’t get ABOVE 80, unlike right now, where it would mean it’s not getting BELOW 80.

  4. Conn

    Global warming? I’m indifferent to the concept. As for the jumpsuit, that’s for personal time, I’m currently at work. The tight jumpsuit is saved for “special occasions”. As a general rule, natural fibers are the best way to go.

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