very quickly

– There is a mosquito in my office that has bitten me on the jaw. I can’t find it, but now I’m paranoid. A coworker just walked by as I was staring at my upper arm, thinking I’d felt the little bloodsucker land there. She didn’t even raise an eyebrow, which suggests I’m usually doing something odd when she walks by.

– I smelled something horrible in the lunch room today – tuna popcorn. Seems one coworker made microwave popcorn (which has a very distinct, very strong odor) while another coworker made something that involved tuna. Everyone had deserted the scene without leaving a warning sign or anything, so I was struck unawares. ‘Twasn’t a pleasant surprise. I don’t recommend that olfactory combination at all.

– On Father’s Day last weekend I asked my parents, who have done their share of garden tending, when I’d know it was time to pull up my onions. They asked if they’d flowered yet. Um, no. Not that long after planting, the sets sent some 8 to 12 inch green shoots through the dirt and into the air, and the shoots are now turning yellow and drying up. But no flowering. They suggested I reach down in the dirt and cop a squeeze to see what was going on. I stuck my hand in there yesterday and felt around. Huh, be damned if the freaking onions aren’t about the same size as they were when I planted the sets in March. Only difference is they have roots and yellow, wilted stalks now. Those bitches never grew. And I even put poop on them (out of a bag from Lowe’s – we aren’t THAT organic). Fucking peter pan onions don’t want to grow up. Still not giving up the gardening idea, but I do need to figure out what went wrong.

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