a vampire at Half-Price Books

There’s a vampire working at Half-Price Books on Westheimer in the Montrose. At least, I’m pretty sure HE thinks he’s a vampire. And maybe he is, what the hell do I know. As he rang my purchases, we made small talk. I said that it was amazingly beautiful outside, and I was sorry he was stuck inside. He said, “That’s okay. I can’t be out in the sun. I’m very sensitive to it.” Then I noticed the fangs. Full on, big ass fangs. Was this a lack of braces in his youth? Did he have them implanted? Maybe they just grew that way and he decided that the best way to live with them was to embrace the whole vampire thing? Like fat high school girls who go goth because, really, what are their other options. He then went on to tell me that he views sunny days the way most people view cloudy ones. OKAY, I get it.

If I’m on my yuppie/recycling game when I go book shopping, I bring my own bag. If not, I usually opt to just carry my purchases naked. Partially in an attempt to not be wasteful and partially because I don’t like the dirty looks I get from the help. Yesterday I bought six books, some of which were little old school paperbacks (Henry Miller‘s soft-core Tropic of Cancer, Ionesco’s Rhinoceros and Huxley‘s Brave New World). Decided I needed a bag, so the vampire grabbed one for me. It wasn’t until I got home that I smelled the cat pee. I was bummed, assuming one of my new (old) books had been sprayed by a cat (one of the many, many reasons I have no use for cats). So I smelled each book. No cat pee. Then I wadded up the plastic Half-Price bag and realized THAT is what smelled. The fuck? Are they so against their customers using bags that they are using cat pee plastic? Are they recycling their bags? If so, how did no one notice the overwhelming acrid smell of cat piss? Thankfully it was a short trip home, so my books don’t smell like anthing other than old books.

In a continuation of this Dilettante column, I saw a new commercial using a 60s tune. A hair coloring product for men is using the intro to Sunshine of Your Love. Here’s the ad copy:

The generation that swore it would never get old … didn’t. Welcome to the summer of life. And now there’s an official hair treatment of the summer of your life. New Touch of Gray from Just for Men. Lets you keep a little gray. Works gradually. Just comb in, rinse.

My God. It’s like a Saturday Night Live sketch (only funny).