Check this. I received a call last Monday letting me know that my new Mazda3 hatchback had arrived at the dealer. My car guy said they were doing the “make ready” that day, and I could pick the car up on Tuesday. So last Monday night, I rubbed on the Miata a bit more than usual in an attempt to say goodbye. Of course, you really can’t ever say goodbye to something you love, even when that something is an inanimate object. The next morning, I got on the phone with the insurance people to get my new policy lined up in preparation for picking up my first new car – ever – later that day.

Then I received a voicemail from my car guy, telling me that my brand spanking new car was in a little “fender bender” in the car dealer’s parking lot and needed to go to the body shop for a bit of cosmetic help. Um, WHAT THE FUCK? Are you serious? The car I’ve been anticipating for FOUR MONTHS finally gets here and is in an accident in the parking lot? Come on, what are the odds? Is the world being run by monkeys?

Remember the first time I tried to buy the Mazda3 hatch – it was this summer and I went to a dealer in Austin because Houston was out of stick shifts. Dad met me at the dealership and remained silent (but deadly) during the first part of the car buying experience, only speaking up when the salesperson spoke an untruth, causing her to flip her whitetrash, shorts-wearing lid and scream, “ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?” as if she was the first car salesperson in the history of the world to be questioned. So we walked and I decided to order a car from a Houston salesperson. One who was wearing pants. [Side note – when I’m making the biggest purchase of my life, thus far, I want to do it with someone who’s wearing long pants. I realize it was Austin and life is fucking beautiful there and all that, but put on some big boy/big girl clothes, ‘kay?]

So it would seem the universe is conspiring to keep me from buying this particular car. Because I can sure as shit tell you that my first new car will not have been in the body shop prior to my driving it. I don’t want some grease monkey sucking all the new off the upholstery. I told them they could keep my car and refund my downpayment.

I got my downpayment back today, allowing me to finally write about the experience. I don’t know what my next step will be, but I’ve given up on buying this car. The only reason I was even going to get a new car in the first place is because I really dig the Mazda3. It doesn’t take a genius (thankfully) to see that it ain’t happening. I mean, I’ve always lived my life by following signs. The signs about this purchase have been pretty freaking clear. I don’t need to go for three strikes. I’m out.

What’s next? Who the hell knows. As much as I love the Miata, I need a backseat. I’ll probably go with a used car. Something with a little bit of flava.


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