Ask a Dilettante – Let Your Freak Flag Fly

What do you think about Don Imus getting fired? What about the right to free speech? Shouldn’t he be allowed to say whatever he wants?

He has the right to free speech. And the companies that advertise on his show have a right to not support him. If you have an issue with that relationship, blame it on the fact that there are just a few media conglomerates in this country. Add to it the fact that those giant companies are all about kowtowing to advertisers, and there you go. And, regardless, this was never a first amendment issue. Here’s why.

Don Imus is, like, 80. And he has bangs. Anyone who has bangs at that age, scratch that, any MAN who has bangs at ANY age immediately forfeits his right to talk shit about anyone else’s appearance. More specifically, the hair part of anyone else’s appearance.

There’s a whole list of male “celebrities” who can’t talk shit about hair. Phil Spector. Carrot Top. Donald Trump. The list goes on.

I just bought my first Harley, and I’m not sure what to do with my long hair while I’m on it. I’m prolly not gonna wear a brain bucket, so I have nothing to tuck my hair into. Should I just braid it?

I’m guessing you’re a large fella? Maybe in his mid-50s? With long gray hair? Wearing a leather vest over a too-tight tee shirt? If so, that skinny, fuzzy braid is not going to do anything for your look. You need something with some pizzazz. Something that won’t let your hair blow around too much when your head hits the pavement and splits open because you’re not wearing a helmet. You need to get one of these.

If I have misjudged your gender and you are a woman, what are you, fucking crazy? WAKE UP, girl! Wear a helmet! You can get a cute one that won’t sacrifice your style too much.

[This column originally appeared in its entirety on Houstonist.]

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