four words

There are four words you never want to hear from another person: we need to talk. Whenever someone says this, it means they have a problem with you and are about to school you on that problem. The only positive thing about we need to talk is that sometimes good things come out of one of those conversations. Sometimes you can discuss something and move on to a better place. Or just move on.

I just encountered another four-word grouping that I like much less. That would be: just so you know. When someone starts a conversation saying just so you know, it means they are about to be self-righteous about something you did or didn’t do. As in, “Just so you know, when you wear a black shirt every time we go see my mother, it seems like you’re not enjoying the visit.” “Just so you know, I’d prefer it if you didn’t say fuck so much.” “Just so you know, I will always be passive-aggressive toward you and will never really, truly, honestly be real with you.”

Okay, that last one would never be spoken, just implied. Anyway, my response to just so you know is usually much worse than whatever I did to spark the just so you know in the first place. So, I guess I could say to the people around me, “Just so you know, when you open a conversation with just so you know, I will jump your ass.”