klassy konversation

The patio at Catbirds offers some great people watching. After HYPE Friday night, I popped in for “one” drink, which of course turned into five. We sat the table closest to the sidewalk. Though that does up your chance of a crackhead coming by to tell you his tale of woe, usually involving the fan belt on his phantom car, it’s a great vantage point to watch the Montrose go by. It also usually affords me a view of my car, so that’s a bonus. So, Friday night a man goes walking by dressed in a sleeveless turtleneck, slacks and high-heeled mules. His hair was cut in a bob. Looked quite feminine, until you noticed the moustache. I was making that point, wondering why the dude didn’t shave for his adventure in high heels, when Robert pointed out that some men just like wearing women’s clothes but are not necessarily trying to pass as women. He said there’s a guy in his neighborhood who dresses like a woman but has a full, Grizzly Adams beard. Robert and I always end up having ridiculous conversations when we’re out in public.

One particularly great example is from a week or two ago. We were having lunch at Frank’s Pizza. We’re at one end of a table and a few seats down, at the other end, is some guy. I’d just seen an episode of Daily Show the night before that included a segment where a reporter went into a sex shop in the Castro (S.F.). He very casually picked up items from the shelves as he talked to the store owner, and one of those items was a HUGE dildo. Like almost small trash can-sized. Over pizza, I was commenting to Robert that I couldn’t believe a) anyone could physically fit something that size up their ass and b) even if it were possible, why would anyone want to. So we discussed in hushed tones. Though we weren’t loud, the guy was just a couple of seats over and is bound to have heard at least some of it.

We left the restaurant and were walking back to the Alley. We were two blocks away when we got to the topic of butt plugs. Just as Robert was saying something about “it’s tapered at the bottom so you can stick it up there and the sphincter closes around it,” that same guy from lunch walked past us. Man, I hope he heard, if for no other reason than it gave him something to talk about when he got back to work.

Before Catbirds Friday night, we went to Warren’s for “one” drink, but the way they pour there it was more like two. On the walk over, we were talking about something equally ridiculous as butt plugs and trash-can dildos. We looked around for our office-worker friend but didn’t see him. So sad. It would have made this a better tale. Oh, and I am not trying to suggest that Robert has any knowledge of butt plugs beyond the academic. He was as grossed out by them as I was. He just happened to have more information than I, and he shared it. You should do that, too. Share your knowledge with your friends.

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