not married, no kids

I had a dream last night that was so disturbing and bizarre, I can’t get it out of my head. I’m trying to read the symbolism, see the pattern, figure out what my subconscious is trying to tell me, but I don’t get it. Maybe it was just detritus. But it was so vivid and weird and random. Anyway.

A guy I went to junior high and high school with found me on myspace, and we’ve been communicating via email for a few months. We weren’t close, but in a class of less than 100, you kind of knew everyone. He nicknamed me radiator in seventh grade because I was always asking if I could go to the water fountain during Mr. Merten’s math class. Funny the shit you remember. So, he’s been in Afghanistan for a couple of years now, is an engineer (I think for the Army), and is divorced with two kids. Basically, his life has taken nearly the opposite path mine has.

Lately, almost every person I haven’t seen for a long time and then run into (at a bar, in the grocery store) has gotten married (and possibly divorced) and had two or more children. And that’s what they always say right off the bat.

Me -How have you been over the past [blank] years?

Them – Great. Got married and had two children. How about you?

Me – Um, I’m also great. Not married, no kids. I have a convertible. And a dog named Stella. And, uh, I write plays.

Them – Oh, that’s nice. Would you like to see pictures of my kids?

I realize that most people get married and have children. It’s what people do. I am not at all sweating the fact that I haven’t gotten married, and I have mixed feelings about the kid thing that will not go away until I either have a kid or run out of eggs. Yet I always feel like, in the eyes of the person who’s done both, I’m an alien. Maybe this is why some people do stupid shit like climb Mt. Everest.

Climber – How have you been the past [blank] years?

Them – Great. Got married and had two children. How about you?

Climber – Just climbed Mt. Everest.

Them – Wow. That’s cool.

Maybe I just need to change my answer.

3 responses to “not married, no kids”

  1. Wow, Kinda strange. I just randomly did a search here for “not married, no kids” Something about the first few things you said got my attention so I clicked. I can absolutely relate to what you’re saying. What got me laughing in amazement is I, too have a dog named Stella! I also write music..hmm I know! I just started my blog so there’s not a whole lot to see yet. I’ve only written a short paragraph actually. I do have more links that I will be adding that reveal more “about me” I had to stop and say hello and kudos to you for hangin in there! I have had an opportunity or two to do the marriage and kid thing but…whew! The horror stories are enough to scare the friggin grim reaper no?

  2. I was sitting at the bar the other night as part of my extended break. Next to me was a lady maybe around 50 years old or so. Sitting on the other side of her was a 26 year old soldier. The lady was making conversation with him and asked if he was married. He responded with “Yup. Married with two kids and one on the way!” The lady then replied “Wow great job!”
    I thought about your blog a little and chuckled to myself. Her response confirms how we have been “conditioned” to believe that success in our society is built on going to college, getting a solid career, getting married, buying a nice home, and having kids. I question that now – especially since most of the friends that I have on Facebook followed that very formula and are divorced and starting over again. OK sorry to ramble on your blog, Crystal but I had to get that out.
    I guess overall, I want to let you know that we’re not alone. Aliens, perhaps. haha. Whenever a woman ask me what’s wrong with me (because I’m creepin up on 38 and haven’t been married or have kids), I jokingly say “I’m saving marriage for when there’s nothing else better to do..”

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