I’m a dork

It’s Friday night in the big city and I’m sitting here by myself watching XMen II and drinking wine. Par-tay, mofo. I’m watching this movie (which kinda sucks, to be honest) because I’ve only been literally knocked back in my chair by one actor in my entire life and it was during the beginning of the first XMen movie when Wolverine (that would be Hugh Jackman) is in the fight cage thingy and turns to the camera for the first time. Whew. Powerful. That actor went on to play the role of Peter Allen on Broadway. I’m all for diversity in acting roles, but it was just too much of a switch to go from total tough badass to mincing capri-wearing singer. Guess I’m all for typecasting. Sometimes.

Okay, there’s a commercial on right now. A woman is jogging by a lake (why are people on TV always jogging by a lake? not all of us HAVE lakes in our towns, fuckers) and she stops cold. You hear her thoughts. “I can’t concentrate. Could I be pregnant?” Hhmmm. Are you telling me that every time I have trouble concentrating, I should worry that I’m pregnant? Usually, I just stick to the “I have ANOTHER headache. Could I have a brain tumor?”

Levitation would be cool if you were the only person in your life who could do it. Not for any superhero applications, but just because it could be such a great end to an argument. Imagine – someone is being melodramatic – rather than participating, you could just slowly rise into the air and turn your back on the person. As you rose, you’d have to extend both your arms straight out to the sides, just for show. It wouldn’t be part of the levitation. They’d become so distracted by your rudeness of floating in the air when they are unable to do so that the melodrama would cease. Eventually, you could float back down to the ground, make yourself a sandwich and go on with your night. Cool.

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