cow tipping + wine = bad combination

Just got home from a 30-year-old’s birthday party. There were both dogs and kids at this party, so naturally I had to check out both. The dogs were cool, as almost all dogs are, and the kids were playing a video game. Nothing weird there until I checked out the game. The basic gist is you get up early in the morning, watch the weather on TV, head out to feed the chickens, brush the cows and horses, move hay around and talk to animated old people. Somehow a) this earns you points and b) it’s fun.

I asked the kid what the hell he was playing (without saying hell, might I add), and he told me it was a farming game that teaches responsibility. And he’s in fourth grade. Wow. Then I went to get more wine. Then I went back to the room with the video game and the kids. Mistake.

I asked the kid if there was any cow-tipping in the game. He didn’t know what I was talking about. So I explained it. And at that moment, I ruined it all. Realizing my responsibilities as an “adult,” I added that I myself had never gone cow-tipping and that I was sure it hurt the cows. The other kid asked if milk squirted out when the cows fell over. I don’t know. I shouldn’t drink wine around children. We agreed to sneak out of the house some day to go cow-tipping. I hope our parents don’t find out.

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