breathe right

When your snoring gets to the point that you’re waking yourself up, it’s time to do something. I bought some Breathe-Right strips to wear for the duration of this cold. Sure it was somewhat humiliating standing there in front of the “so you snore like a man” section of the pharmacy, but what can you do. The strips come in two sizes – small/medium and large. On the box it says that most adults wear the small/medium size. How nice for the big schnozz owner to have to buy large. Even worse – the person who thinks he has a regular sized nose but actually needs the big boy strips. Lucky for me, I could slip into a small. Once I put the strip on, I could plainly see right up both nostrils. What was the point of buying the clear strips? The strip could have been neon green and still wouldn’t have been as distracting as my enlarged air holes. Probably could have seen brains if I’d had a strong enough flashlight. The amount of air coming in my clogged nose certainly increased, so that was good, but I had nostrils like the bull Bugs Bunny used to play matador to. Sexy.

[small aside – I heard a nasty rumor that Bugs Bunny is getting a makeover and will be a more “hip” character – I liked the first makeover back in the day when he went from a petty, mean character to a smartass crossdressing one – plus, those cartoons were the only place I heard opera or classical music as a child – or adult for that matter – I’m sure that’ll be shitcanned in favor of more “hip” music, too]