tears of a clown

People dressed in furry costumes bother me. Though I hear there’s a whole underground “furry” scene, I’m referring specifically to team mascots. I never really put my finger on why they are so bothersome until this weekend, when I was confronted with one. It gave me the opportunity to think about my almost-phobia while staring it in the face. Kind of.

The face is the first part of the problem. I don’t like not being able to see someone’s eyes. And with a mascot, the head of the person is usually somewhere around the neck of the costume. Yet they nod the furry head and move it around as if it is occupied with something other than air. That ain’t right.

Second part – it’s hot as hell in there. You know it must be really stinky, and it must carry the stink of however many people have worn that costume over the years. There’s no scotch-guarding for that. In the case of the mascot I saw this weekend, that guy or girl (there’s another issue) probably is the lone wearer and is therefore only inhaling his/her own stink, but it’s still nasty.

Third – I don’t understand how a mascot is at all motivating to either the team it is supporting or the fans in the stands. If anything, I’m rooting for that furred monstrosity to fall on the ground and the fake head to fall off, revealing the much smaller real head barely poking out of the neck hole. When that asshole baseball player hit the sausage at the Brewers game a year or two ago, that was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. It didn’t really hurt the woman inside the costume (again, because the real head was feet below the mascot head) (as if sausage has a head), and I think it summed up how many of us feel about this issue.

So, I was at the MFAH opening of the baseball exhibit this weekend, and the Astros mascot was walking around. It’s a RABBIT train engineer. Hmmm, I know when I think of baseball I think of rabbits and trains. Anyway, as if sensing my strong vibes but misreading them, the mascot (Junction Jack – get it – Jack, as in Jack Rabbit? Ha ha ha ha ha) came up behind me and put his/her arm around my shoulder. The group I was with seemed to get a real kick out of the look I gave, which I can approximate as being bulgy eyed, nervous laughter and inward shrinking. It might not have been so horrible if I’d seen the thing coming, but it took me totally by surprise. Freaking furry.

And don’t get me started on clowns…

One response to “tears of a clown”

  1. “I think it summed up how many of us feel about this issue.”

    I’m sorry but no one but you feels this way. It is very weird.

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