The only amphetamine I do is coffee. I tend to experience life with a bit of impatience, and I think if I were any more amped up, I would be intolerable. Or, more intolerable. As it is now, I have to hold back in the morning when behind some lumbering jackass who can’t figure out how to drive up a parking garage.
“Is that a space? I think I’ll pull in. Oh, wait, it says RESERVED. Hmm. Maybe this isn’t the spot for me. I’m going to sit here, half in and half out of the space while I think about it. I guess I should probably back up and find another place to park. I don’t want my car to get towed while I’m at work and then have to go to one of those places where they put towed cars. There’s usually a scary looking fat man with a beard working at places like that. I don’t like facial hair. My uncle Bob had facial hair and he was kind of a jerk. Wait, why is that woman getting out of her Miata carrying a bat? Oh my god, I think she’s going to …[dead air].”
I’m trying to become more zen the older I get. You know, put it all in perspective, realize that life is just not that fucking serious and it’s the journey, not the destination and all that. I guess I just don’t like traveling to my destination surrounded by morons.